| Rant. |
[May 21st, 2006] |
You know what?
I have actually given you on you. I don't like being treated like shit, especially not my friends. Neglecting friends for boyfriends I think, is the worst thing you can do. I really hope your relationship lasts, cos fuck me consoling you if it doesn't. Fuck me being there when you won't even talk to me when he's around. Fuck me caring you're upset when you can't even be arsed to acknowledge our existance. It's not just me, we all fucking know it. And we are all so pissed off with it. its not fucking fair to use someone when no one else is there, and drop them when its convinient. So fuck me being ther to pick up the pieces when you realise that teenage romance is utter bollocks anyway.
Fuck that.
PS. Also: fuck males. Cos they are bastards. And even if they're not utter bastards, they are still morons.
Right?
Safe.
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[May 11th, 2006] |
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I don't know why everything has to change.I don't know why everything I thought was so secure is slowly slipping away from me. And I can't handle it. I feel bad for my overwhelming jealousy. And I'm selfish. But I wish everything was back the same way it used to be. I don't like not feeling like I'm worth it or like I'm important. I don't like coming second when I do my hardest to put these people first. And I don't like being lied to, when they say it'll be ok but I know it won't. I may be naive but I'm not stupid.
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| Hmm. |
[May 10th, 2006] |
Its amazing how easily these things get lost or disappeared.
So much has changed since this got set up I don't know if it is worth continuing in it?
But sometimes we need space to ramble.
Life is all about perception. How we see ourselves, and how others see us. In truth, the latter is actually irrelevant because self perception is what matters. However many compliments people pile on you, if you look in the mirror and loathe yourself, they don't matter. Likewise, some people live with continual insults about their appearance. And they're strong enough to ignore it, they realise that other people don't matter.
So don't criticise other people's way of thinking about themselves. I know that whenever you look in the mirror, you do not see what other people see when they look at you. I know some people that do not know this, and are making themselves ill to try and validate themselves to the world.
And that is sick. And people shouldn't have to do it.
But we do.
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| Rawr. |
[November 21st, 2005] |
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I dunno anymore. I'm ill, I'm cold and I'm in a mood. I can't be bothered to go to school anymore. People are just so... they'll say shit on Myspaz but then they won't say it to yoor face... what the hell?
And for once, I'd like someone to use myspaz as a place for friends, not a place for whores, or to promote their own insecurities so other people will reassure them that they are hot.
Oh and my computer broke and I lost 3,000 songs. How very buggered up.
xo.
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| Attacks |
[July 7th, 2005] |
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I'm sure many of you will know about the attacks on London.
For 5 hours I didn't know if my dad, sister and one of my best friends were alive. THIS STUFF SHOULDN'T HAPPEN.
In terms of deaths, its no where near as important as 9/11. In terms of brutality its no where near as important as Bloody Sunday. But to be honest, those things are difficult to understand because they didn't directly affect me. (and to be fair I wasn't alive on Bloody Sunday). That might sound a selfish thing to say but its impossible to understand these things unless they happen to you.
I came into my classroom and there was a message from my darling Sam. "Have you heard about the underground attacks?" was all it took for me to start shaking and for "what-ifs" to come into my head. Next to me, Laura had texted Anna saying "Be calm but there's been explosions on the underground and everything's been closed." It wasn't til Sian suggested i take her headset so i could listen to the radio that we began to get more information.. It was a power surge..no it wasn't...4 attacks...5 attacks... More stations being closed. Every minute arrived with more bad news.
I've never been through anything like that in my life. The not knowing, the thoughts, the lack of information... I just can't explain it. Its horrible. Truly horrible.
There are sick people in our world. People who think its right to endanger others for their own religous beliefs.
ARROGANT BASTARDS.
People have died because of twisted people's twisted view of right and wrong. 33 dead and counting.
♥
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| people |
[May 26th, 2005] |
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people suck i have decided XD
And they're all nosy buggers who need to mind their own business and not judge me for my decisions. Because that, my dears is what yoo call a hypocrite. And I don't care if yoo think yoor not being a hypocrite yoo freaking are. And if you "want me back" the way to go about it is not to slag me off on yoor freakin MSN Space. Where yoo know I'm gonna read it. I'm just too polite to tell yoo how much of a bitch yoor being. *breathes*
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[May 19th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
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 irritated |
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| [ |
music |
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Oh these woeful days- Five Minute Ride |
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Ok I'm obsessed with Kurt Halsey. I admit it. I have no shame. But he is like...omgzzz amazingness artist! i never get excited about art..mostly it all looks the same to me but Kurt Halsey I can get excited about. Clickety click to see why!
But apart from my new found love of Kurt Halsey life sucks. Our school is full of homophobes who take it upon themselves to try and make me KISS my best friend because they think I'm gay and when I hit one of them to get her off me they come back, slap me and the next day get the whole of her year to push into me and smack me in the face. AND FFS I'M NOT EVEN GAY. I hate it..I hate them. It was kinda cool to have the whole of my year threatening to beat them up on my behalf (although that didnt happen like) but Chantal waving her umbrella for protection against them was kinda funneh. But look...I can't see why they can't mind their own business. I'm not gay. But even if i was it isnt for pathetic little immature children to judge me for it. And its not for them to SLAP ME for "being gay". So homophobes suck. and they're all chavs anyway.
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| allergic |
[May 8th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
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 angry |
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music |
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Beating Hearts Baby- Head Automatica |
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I think I am allergic to lads. seriously I can never ever get them to do what i want. And I hate them all at this point in time because they all are LIARS.
LIARS who tell me what they think I want to hear. Not what they mean. What they think I want to hear. Then all of a sudden they turn around and move onto someone better. Someone prettier. Someone cooler. Someone...whatever.
So to number 1.....
I fell so badly for you. You were all I talked about and thought about for 4 months. I wanted you so badly. And you said you loved me. And I never admitted it but I did love you too. And I still do. And you gave me a big fxcking scare and it nearly killed me. Then what did you do in return? After all the hell you put me through you decided to put me through some more.
Number 2....
I didn't want you. I never wanted you. But you were all I had. Number 1 made me feel so worthless that I clung onto you for sheer desperation. I gave you what you wanted and once again you said you were always gonna love me. That one lasted a long time didn't it? That's why you've moved on to hitting on my best friend.
And Number 3...
I hate you. I hate what you've done to me...you nearly sent me into therapy for fxcks sake. And I thought we could make it work I honestly did. I loved you and you said you loved me. But once it got too tough you left me high and dry and crying for days on end. Then you have the cheek to come and shove your new relationship down my throat? I hope you two really do last...maybe that'll be one less person you screw up. You've left me with so little faith in males that I couldn't make things work with Sam even if they wanted to. Thank you very fxcking much.
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[April 16th, 2005] |
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mood |
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 silly |
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music |
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Konstantine- SoCo |
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This week has been kinda....meh. I had to go back to school on Monday *sobs* and I had a shoite day and I thought "why the hell am i here?!" and i considered not going in on tuesday but i wanted to see george after school so i had to. Then Danni decided to take nearly the whole week off school (lazy cow but she was kinda ill...) Oh but I got to drop DT (cos I've never handed a piece of work in on time) lol and I got an A in my French modules *woot woot* And SOMEONE who I can't stand got a B which is really good but I'm glad I did better than her in one fricking thing. haha I'm so evil.
And in regards to the last post...thank you all for your comments really appreciated all of them *huggles*
Ha I learnt to play Again it goes unnoticed on the geetar (chords of course but nevermind) so woot woot for me.
I feel so random. I think I'm drunk.
( Song of the day... )
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[April 8th, 2005] |
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This is to you hun. The one who would "always be there for me."
YOU SAID YOU HATE MY SUFFERING AND YOU UNDERSTOOD AND YOU'D TAKE CARE OF ME...YOU'D ALWAYS BE THERE...WELL WHERE ARE YOU NOW?!
Sorry had an ickle bit of a Bright Eyes moment there. So back to my rant. I'm sick of you. I'm sick of being ignored by you. I'm sick of being DITCHED by you because I'm not fxcking scene enough for you. Did it ever occur to you that you've turned into something you supposedly hate? "oh no I do exactly what i like, I listen to what I love, I don't aim to be like anything." Hello?! You've turned into a fxcking clone! you want to be just like HER, and not so long ago SHE was a chav. But no she's cool now. No one understands her. No one cares. Excuse me...everyone loves her and her little sidekick. Oh no theyre so misunderstood oh no theyre so depressed oh no theyre so EMO.
Well sorry for not caring. Sorry for not buying into their falseness cos y'know how much they have screwed me up being twofacedbitches and spreading uneccessary rumours. And I can't stand them. I can't stand the fact that two of my former best friends wish I was dead. And have repeatedly told me the world would be better off if I slit my own throat. Please grow up.
But you, I thought you were different. You were always the one that didnt fit into a certain look, and you supposedly liked it like that. But I guess they got the better of you. Well congratulations. 10 scene points to you. Just so y'know you can fake it til you bleed but I'm not gonna be there when you finally get over yourself. You let me down. You let me down and I can't forgive you.
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